If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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