Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
