The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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