I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
