Soap is not a condiment
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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