know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
