They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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