Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
