Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
