Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
