nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he thought i was a dude.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im holly from the hills drunk
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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