I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
