Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
