Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just blew my weed a kiss
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize