dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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