And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize