by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
