I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
