he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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