her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
