We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
