did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
