I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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