after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
