at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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