You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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