I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
