i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
