THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize