hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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