sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
