Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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