he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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