My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize