It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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