I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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