There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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