Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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