i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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