i permit you to call me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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