he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
