so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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