I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
