Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
