her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
