I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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