I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
