Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
