I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
