so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
