Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
