I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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