According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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