I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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