I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
