Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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