You can't special order awesome
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
