Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
