I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
