Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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