he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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