The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
