just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
