I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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