Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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