The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
