This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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