see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
