its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
