he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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