Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
