you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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