I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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